oh god the rape fog is back!
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
