Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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