I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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