my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
