It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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