john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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