he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
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he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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