Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
