I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
