chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
