Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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