i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
