u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
