she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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