She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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