so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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