grandma shit on top of the toilet
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have tasted many bathrooms
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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