I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
