You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We left an ass print on the piano.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
