My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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