Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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