At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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