i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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