Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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