I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
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