btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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