He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize