i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
