New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
