I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
