She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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