Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
