I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
