i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
