I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
