: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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