Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
