Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You made out with two different species that night
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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