You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
two words...techno handjob
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
