It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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