Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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