His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
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I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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