im gay
i know
yea but for you.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
