If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
