I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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