i always forget guys have bellybuttons
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
