His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.