i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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