cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying