Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"