Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
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He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
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i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.