how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.