when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
