There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
