smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
