people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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