Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
