Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
