This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
