The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Randomize
