im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
