No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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