Pants 0. Shit 1.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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