She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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