Some one left their pants in the elevator.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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