I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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