It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
