I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
