What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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