well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
