It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
