I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize