my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
